We’re not quite sure how to thank Comedy Central’s Samantha Bee for the outpouring of Republican voters that will result in November 2018, and again in 2020, due to her calling Ivanka Trump a “feckless c**t” on network television. Perhaps we can find a gay bakery and force it to make her a cake in the shape of an AR-15? That’s been on our bucket list for a while.
When the uproar from the right grew loud enough at Samantha Bee’s vulgar and cruel attack on the president’s daughter, Bee issued a short non-apology, which was quickly followed up by her attendance at a Television Academy awards show, where she was of course handed a trophy for her work. Bee claims it was a “poor choice” of words on her part.
This excuse doesn’t hold water with anyone who has ever worked in television. Samantha Bee approved of the joke and agreed to read it out loud. A room full of professional writers kicked the idea around. Show producers and crew members knew about it ahead of time. Network censors at TBS approved it to go on air. A staffer typed it into the teleprompter for her to read it.
At no point in the creative process that goes into producing Samantha Bee’s show did anyone stop for a moment and say, “Hey, maybe this isn’t a good idea. Perhaps this will do our cause more harm than good.” The roars of laughter from Bee’s studio audience speaks volumes.
Bee is simply carrying on the double standard of liberals calling conservatives words that used to garner hefty FCC fines and then claiming victimhood if we respond. Bill Maher used the same c-word to describe vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on his television show.
When conservatives complained, local Democratic Party chapters across the country printed black T-shirts with the words, “Sarah Palin Is A C**t” emblazoned across the front, in support of Maher’s hateful comment. But who can remember all the way back to 2008?
Samantha Bee is also following in the footsteps of Joy Reid, MSNBC’s expert on how America really feels about homosexuals. The insidious hacker who planted all those anti-gay blog posts on Reid’s website (according to her narrative) also posted hateful comments about prominent conservatives.
Reid’s “hacker” Photoshopped John McCain’s face onto an image of the Virginia Tech shooter, posing with the handguns that he used to murder his classmates. Reid’s hacker also blogged about a desire to see Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham dropped off in the middle of Baghdad, so they could be gang raped. Liberals are so funny!
Poor Samantha Bee. We see right through you, Samantha. We know that the real reason why you launched that awful attack against Ivanka Trump – as so many of your colleagues have done – is because you’re jealous of her. Since you want to get personal, Samantha, let’s talk frankly for a few moments, shall we?
We’ve watched Ivanka Trump in the boardroom at Trump Tower on her father’s television show and we know that she is everything that you wish you were, Samantha: Beautiful, elegant, rich, lovely, loving, funny, intelligent and a good mother. We could easily see Ivanka running a Fortune 500 company and still taking time to raise her beautiful children. You, Samantha Bee, weren’t even prescient enough to keep State Farm as a sponsor for your little TV show.
When America looks at Ivanka Trump, they see a woman who radiates confidence and competence. When we look at you, Samantha Bee, we see the vacant 1,000-mattress stare that so many Hollywood harlots – sorry, starlets — have in their eyes. We know how you made it to the top in your industry, Samantha. We know.
That half-crazed look in your eyes is due to your suffering from a case of PHWCCS — Post-Harvey-Weinstein’s-Casting-Couch-Syndrome. The life choices you’ve made, Samantha Bee, are the reason why you look so much older than you really are. Those crow’s feet around your eyes, the turkey wattle under your chin, that floppy skin thing you have in the place of what normal women call the triceps muscle… “Acting” sure does take a toll!
You’d better stock up on wrinkle cream and tissues right now, Samantha, because when you attacked Ivanka like that, the Meme Warriors of Trump’s America reawakened and took off the gloves, and now they’re coming for you.
Remember what happened to your good friend, Kathy Griffin, after she held up an image of President Trump’s severed head? Remember how Kathy cried into the cameras and said, “He broke me.” Yeah. That’s coming for you now, Samantha.
It’s nice to know that we can all take the gloves off, thanks to Samantha Bee. Of course, the Never Trump Republi-cons will wring their hands and tell us that we must take the high road and not stoop to the Democrats’ level in a manner that is unworthy of blah blah blah.
Sorry, Never Trumpers. Your strategy of courageous retreat and bold surrender in order to never get your hands dirty just doesn’t fly with conservative Americans any more. We tried your tradition of losing with dignity for a few decades and decided we like all the winning better. We’ll be punching back twice as hard now, thank you very much.
The Never Trumpers would like you to respond to a schoolyard bully’s violence by handing over your lunch money and saying, “See you again tomorrow, same time, same place!” That’ll show them! Sorry, but no.
Sometimes you have to kick the bully in the crotch and then sock him in the jaw when he drops his hands. All the squealing and crying from Samantha Bee and her staunch, First Amendment-supporting buddies as America rises up and gets her kicked off the air will simply be music to our ears. So much winning!
It’s nice to know that from now on, whenever one of the shock troops of Trump’s America refers to Valerie Jarrett as the offspring of the Muslim Brotherhood and the Planet of the Apes, we can all just yawn and go about our business.
Don’t blame us, Democrats. You’re the ones who set this standard. If, at some point in the future, you’d like to go back to a more civil version of America, we’ll gladly follow along with you. In fact, most of us on the right would prefer that. But until you start acting like grownups, the gloves are off, it’s recess time and Trump’s warriors be meeting you on the playground.
