American Liberty Report has obtained an exclusive audio recording of a meeting that took place at the Department of Justice on Jan. 21, 2017. The meeting was officiated by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, with various public figures from the federal government, the Obama administration, the mainstream media and Hollywood in attendance.
We believe this meeting of key Deep State players offers valuable insight into the conspiracy to derail the Trump presidency. In the interest of full disclosure, we have decided to provide the transcript of this meeting to our readers in an UNREDACTED format, as follows:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
Rod Rosenstein: Thank you all for coming. Looks like we’re only missing one person, who’s running a bit late, but he assured me that he’ll be here. We all know why we’re here. The Antifa protesters failed to delay the inauguration yesterday. We need to come up with a new plan to get rid of Literally Hitler, so we can put Hillary in the White House where she belongs. I think we should start with a brainstorming session to –
James Comey: I’m not gay, you know!
Rod Rosenstein: – a brainstorming session to –
James Comey: Well, I’m not!
Rod Rosenstein: No, Jim, we’re not talking about that right now. We’re talking about the other thing… I told you about it earlier… the Literally Hitler thing?
James Comey: Got it! Sorry, Rod.
Rod Rosenstein: I have no doubt that with all of us gathered here today, we’ll be able to come up with some way to get rid of this monster.
Harvey Weinstein: These chicken wings are great. Got any Ranch sauce to go with ‘em, Rod?
Rod Rosenstein: Sorry, Michael Moore drank all of it. He was here earlier to pitch a movie idea, like the one he did against Bush. Only this one would be against Literally Hitler. The problem is, Mike’s so slow. We’ll be lucky to see that thing released before the 2018 midterms.
James Comey: I’ve just never been comfortable carrying a gun, you know? A lot of people feel that way.
Rod Rosenstein: Jim, focus!
James Comey: Sorry, Rod.
Rod Rosenstein: All right, I want to hear everyone’s BEST ideas. How do we remove Literally Hitler, so we can put Hillary on the throne? We’ll start with Valerie.
Valerie Jarrett: First off, thanks for renewing that FISA warrant again, Rod. I’ve been listening to the audio of every phone call and reading every email from Literally Hitler, Melania, Don, Jr., Eric, Ivanka, all their spouses, their kids and even Barron. These people are so BORING! They never do anything illegal. All they ever talk about is, “We love America! We’re gonna create so many jobs! We love the people in this country!” Gag! I’m starting to think Operation Putin Collusion is a dead end. None of them ever even mention Russia. Sorry, Rod. I’m drawing a blank.
Rod Rosenstein: Don’t blame yourself, Valerie. It was the voters that made a terrible, terrible mistake. Not you. But we’re going to fix it.
Harvey Weinstein: Hey, Valerie, do you have any videos of Ivanka, like… changing her outfits from that FIDO warrant thing?
Valerie Jarrett: What? No!
Harvey Weinstein: Just curious.
Rod Rosenstein: Rachel, you’re next.
Rachel Maddow: Okay. Check this out. Here’s my idea. Listen up! This… is an idea! I thought it up on my own. Here it is. Okay? Check this out. Here goes. Check it out! Koskinen is still running the IRS, right? If he can bring me one of Literally Hitler’s tax returns – doesn’t matter which year – I will do a full one-hour special where I show everyone Literally Hitler’s tax returns
[Uncomfortable silence]
Rod Rosenstein: And?
Rachel Maddow: When everyone sees how rich Literally Hitler is, they’ll demand that he be impeached!
Rod Rosenstein: I don’t know if that will work, but we’ll write it down. Brennan, you’re next. Let’s hear your ideas.
John Brennan: Allahu Akbar, my little Jew friend. As I have told you before, if you can lure the infidel to the top of a tall building, my brothers in the jihad will throw him off of it for the glory of the Caliphate!
Rod Rosenstein: John, we’ve been over this a hundred times. I do NOT want your little ISIS buddies running around trying to hurt anyone. This needs to be a bloodless coup. Bloodless!
James Comey: I just think that if you really watch a tap dancing routine, there’s an inner beauty and elegance that –
Rod Rosenstein: Jim! Focus!
James Comey: Got it! Sorry, Rod.
[Sound of knocking]
Rod Rosenstein: What’s the password?
Voice: There’s a password? Nobody told me that!
Rod Rosenstein: Just kidding! Come on in, Reince!
Reince Priebus: Sorry I’m late. I was having a Zima with the gang from National Review and lost track of time. One of them had a great idea, though. Listen to this: What if we trick Literally Hitler into doing something and then use that as a fake pretext to appoint Bob Mueller as a Special Counsel
Rod Rosenstein: Hey, that’s not bad!
Valerie Jarrett: That way Bob could just make up whatever Russia evidence he wants to!
John Brennan: Inshallah!
Valerie Jarrett: Remember the time when he framed that Republican Senator from Alaska? Bob didn’t have a shred of evidence, but by the time it was too late, we had one extra vote in the Senate. It’s how we passed Obamacare! Oops, I mean, “The Affordable Care Act.”
Harvey Weinstein: Ha! Good thing no one’s recording this!
Rachel Maddow: Bob Mueller’s the best!
Rod Rosenstein: That’s our best idea yet, Reince. But what can we have Literally Hitler do that would be a good pretext to having me appoint Bob
Reince Priebus: Oh, that’s simple. You send Literally Hitler a letter urging him to fire one of the Cabinet members. The only thing we’d have to decide is which one.
James Comey: I do have a lot of gay friends, though. Lot of gay friends. Lots and lots and lots of them. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Rod Rosenstein: I know exactly what to do. Meeting adjourned!
[END TRANSCRIPT]
This article is obviously satire. Last week, the New York Times reported that Rod Rosenstein had offered in 2017 to FBI and DOJ colleagues to wear a wire. The purpose of this was to record private conversations with President Trump – and then use those conversations to convince the president’s Cabinet to invoke the 25th Amendment and remove Trump from office.
After he was outed, Rosenstein claimed that this plot was a “joke.” Ha ha, get it? FBI Attorney Lisa Page was at that meeting and says Rosenstein was dead serious.
