Pocahontas Lays Down Peace Pipe, Declares War on Big Chief Trump

Remember Barack Obama’s fake birth certificate that his office released to the public several years ago? It was so obviously fake that the only thing missing from it was a little marker in the corner that read, “You are using an unlicensed version of Photoshop.” If you thought that was a childishly transparent example of fakery, wait until you see Pocahontas Warren’s new ad.

Pocahontas’ new commercial is technically the first campaign ad of the Democrats’ 2020 journey to find a sacrificial lamb they can offer up to President Trump. Someone’s gotta take one for the Democrats’ team, so they can hope to rebuild their party and try to find a candidate that can beat Don, Jr. in 2024.

Anyway, Trump’s rhetorical wizardry always cuts Democrats to the bone. He obviously got under Pocahontas Warren’s skin by calling her Pocahontas Warren. The nickname has stuck, and she knows she has to overcome it before she can have any hope at all of running for president in 2020. So, Warren took a 23 and Me DNA test. The results are, to say the least, hilarious.

The funny thing about DNA tests is that they tend to embarrass charlatans, debunk historical myths and prove the exact opposite of what some people are hoping to achieve. For a normal person, getting one of these home DNA kits is simply an effort to find out more about their ancestry and who their relatives were in ye olden times. But not Pocahontas Warren. She’s using it as a tool to claim that she is an oppressed minority… you know, one of those oppressed blonde-haired, blue-eyed Massachusetts women.

One of the most shocking DNA debunkings (we hope that’s a word; if it’s not, it should be) in recent American history has to do with Oprah Winfrey’s biggest flim-flam of all time. You may remember the episode of her program that aired during the Clinton administration. Oprah had on an entire family of black Americans who were claiming to be descended from Thomas Jefferson. They were the descendants of Sally Hemings, the African slave who was owned by the Jefferson family for most of her life.

One of Jefferson’s political opponents in the early 1800s viciously smeared him, claiming that Thomas Jefferson was the father of Sally Hemings’s children. (And here we thought the smears against Brett Kavanaugh were original!) The rumor has stuck and Oprah’s program with a family claiming to be “Jeffersons” didn’t help. Every so often, you’ll still see a Democrat running for Congress who will spout off that “Thomas Jefferson raped his black slaves, so we have to abolish this racist flag, racist constitution, yadda yadda yadda.”

When the black family that Oprah hyped as Thomas Jefferson’s descendants submitted themselves to five separate DNA tests – AFTER appearing on Oprah’s program – it was discovered that they shared no DNA with Thomas Jefferson. One test revealed that Sally Hemings’s youngest child might have been fathered by a Jefferson. But since there were 70 adult males related to Thomas Jefferson’s family in Virginia at the time, and Thomas himself was in his 70s, it is unlikely that he ever had carnal relations with Sally Hemings.

Needless to say, the entire ordeal was incredibly embarrassing to Oprah Winfrey and she had to humble herself and issue an apology to Thomas Jefferson’s real descendants and corrected the historical falsehood on air. Oh, wait, that part never happened. We would also note that Oprah’s fake Jefferson’s episode aired at the same time that reports were surfacing that Bill Clinton had fathered a half-black child (Danney Williams, who is still around on Facebook). The liberal logic must have been, at the time, that if Thomas Jefferson had done it, then it was no big deal that Bill Clinton did it too!

Which brings us back to Pocahontas Warren’s Native American fakery. As it turns out, she could, possibly, maybe, perchance, be 1/1024th Native American. Little Pocahontas, who lied to use affirmative action to steal cushy university jobs from real minorities, is claiming that her .098% Native American heritage is proof that Trump is a liar. Incidentally, the average white American whose family has been in the US since the 18th century has .18% Native American ancestry – twice as much as Pocahontas.

The Cherokee Nation, which Warren has always falsely claimed membership in, issued a press release savaging Pocahontas. In a nutshell, a home DNA kit is not sufficient to determine tribal membership; it’s not even sufficient to tell if a person has native ancestry from North America or South America.

Pocahontas Warren has tried to pull a fast one on America – and it blew up right in her face. The 2020 campaign hasn’t even “officially” started yet and it’s already turning out to be as hilarious as 2016.