Shocking Carter Page FISA Release Shocks Exactly No One

The Department of Justice has released the heavily redacted FISA application that it used to obtain warrants to surveil Carter Page and the entire Trump campaign staff in 2016. At long last, the FBI is vindicated and now we all know that the suggestion that the FBI is somehow tainted is really just a vast, right-wing conspiracy. We can safely remove Donald Trump from office and replace him with Hillary Clinton! Oh, happy day!

Except… yeah, none of that happened. The FISA docs that Robert Mueller and Rod Rosenstein spent six months blacking out with a Sharpie actually reveal exactly what we knew they would say all along: Barack Obama weaponized US intelligence agencies against the opposition party’s candidate in a way that makes Watergate look like a bunch of fourth-graders hid their teacher’s chalkboard erasers without actually stealing them. Your old history professor owes Richard Nixon an apology, by the way.

It’s easy to forget that this garbage has been going on for more than two years now. Thank goodness that Housecoat Hillary never got her hands on the reins of power! You’re kidding yourself if you think that she would not be using those same corrupt intelligence agencies against all of us icky Trump supporters right now. We’d be running around in the hills like Kurds trying to survive. (But imagine how slim we’d all be!) Barack and his wife, “The Crying Game,” would still come into the office every weekend to personally launch drone strikes against Christian children – except they’d be doing it in Appalachia instead of Afghanistan this time.

Before we get into the not-shocking details of the FISA application, let’s recap to remind folks how we got here. This information was all available on CNN, but Wolf Blitzer jumped in front of the graphic explaining it all and started screeching about how the Trump-Putin summit was worse than the Pompeii eruption plus 9-11 plus Pearl Harbor plus that time when Beyoncé did not win a Grammy.

Carter Page was an extremely low-level Trump campaign staffer for a short time in 2016. If you waved a Trump-Pence sign on a street corner for more than two days in 2016, you probably outranked Page in the campaign hierarchy. Anyway, Page is the guy the FBI sent a real spy named Stephan Halper in to spy on and try to get him to mention Russia on a tape recorder – only Page must have never done so, otherwise Wolf Blitzer would have played the tape which was TOTALLY NOT LEAKED TO HIM BY ROBERT MUELLER’S TEAM on CNN.

Meanwhile, the Clinton campaign paid Fusion GPS, which paid British spy and part-time fiction novelist Christopher Steele to create the fake Russian potty dossier about Donald Trump. Okay, we’re all caught up now.

After everyone found out that the potty dossier was used as a source for the FISA warrant to spy on the Trump campaign, the Democrats swore up and down that the potty dossier was just one piece of evidence in a huge and sophisticated FBI puzzle. Why, there were oodles and oodles of additional proof that Trump was Putin’s puppet, and that silly little ol’ dossier that Hillary paid for barely even factored into it!

There’s one small problem with that assertion, which is conveniently the same problem with all Democrat assertions, which is that it is a complete and total lie. The potty dossier was pretty much the whole FISA application.

The FBI swore, four separate times, that the potty dossier from Fusion GPS was NOT the source used to write the Yahoo! News article which was used in the FISA application. It turns out, however, that the FISA document dump on a Friday afternoon in July proves that the potty dossier WAS used to write the article – and then the article was used as “proof” in the FISA document.

So, the FBI lied about that to the FISA court and to Congress – and the FISA judge or judges didn’t read the application closely enough to catch that before thumping the application with their rubber stamp.

James Comey, whose current performance rider states that he can only be photographed while standing in front of a corn field, testified before Congress that the potty dossier’s contents were “salacious and unverified.” Yet on the FISA warrant that Comey signed, he attested that the contents of the potty dossier – which was the source of the FISA application itself – were true. Aristotle would be shocked to learn that “true” now means “unverified.”

The FISA application also states that Carter Page is a Russian spy. It doesn’t state that he might be a Russian spy. It doesn’t say that he has a big mouth and perhaps should be more circumspect when in the presence of others who could be Russian spies. It doesn’t allege that he is a big dummy who is being unwittingly used by Russian spies to gather intel. It says he IS a Russian spy. So… why isn’t he in jail like Obama’s Russian NRA chick, if that’s true?

Several months before Stephan Halper swaggered into Carter Page’s life, smelling like gin and an old used pair of sweat socks, Carter Page was helping the FBI to prosecute actual Russian spies. So… are we supposed to believe now that he was a double agent, and was forced to sell out his Russian komrades so he wouldn’t blow his cover in the Trump campaign? No – the truth is, the FBI lied in the FISA application by calling Carter Page a Russian spy.

Are there penalties for lying to the FISA court on stuff like this, by the way? We’re certain that Rod Rosenstein will look into that any day now, except for the fact that Rod Rosenstein also signed one of the FISA documents which was totally based on the fake potty dossier that Hillary paid for.

Finally, the FBI did not tell the FISA court that Hillary Clinton paid for the potty dossier, because dirty tricks and lies are the only way that the Clintons know how to run a political campaign. The FBI mentions in a tiny footnote on one page of the document that a “US-based law firm” paid Fusion GPS to look into Russian ties that “Candidate #1” (Donald Trump) might have. The FBI never mentions that “Candidate #2” used the US-based law firm to give the money to Fusion GPS. It never mentions “Candidate #2” at all. That was intentionally misleading on the FBI’s part.

So, there was absolutely nothing shocking in the FISA document release. Everything happened exactly as we predicted it had happened a year ago. Now we know why the FBI and the Department of Justice have been so desperate to prevent the public from seeing the FISA documents. It turns out that the FBI only got one thing correct in the entire FISA application: It referred to Donald Trump as “Candidate #1,” which was true. Everything else in it was a lie, otherwise known as “perjury.”


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