Always eager to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, the House GOP appears dead-set on passing amnesty for millions of illegal aliens prior to the 2018 midterms. Is there anyone out there who still wonders why the GOP is nicknamed the “Stupid Party?”
Republicans are rushing to try to pass amnesty for the DACA frauds (Deferred Action on [Fake] Childhood Arrivals), otherwise known as Obama’s “Dreamers” or America’s “Nightmares,” depending on who you ask.
Here is just a short sample of quotes expressing the frustration of Americans, support for the rule of law and the complete, utter, tone-deaf stupidity of the GOP establishment that believes that amnesty is a good idea:
“Apparently I’m going to have to keep fighting amnesty through my entire adult life.” – Ann Coulter, who has sold more books than every Member of Congress combined.
“We oppose amnesty in any form.” – The Republican Party Platform, page 25.
“They’re finally gonna build a wall now.” Bobby Baccalieri on Season 6 of The Sopranos, way back in freaking 2006.
It looks like Paul Ryan and his GOP allies in the House have fallen, once again, for the media’s hysterical lies about a coming “Blue Wave” in the next election if they don’t pass amnesty right now. Hey, Paul, the same pollsters predicting that Blue Wave were telling us in October of 2016 that there was a 96% chance we’d all be living in Hillary-topia come election day, so you might not want to rely on them for your political barometer.
The Democrats have been literally handing the 2018 midterms to the Republicans. Let’s look at the Democrat Party’s official platform as of today.
Platform Item 1: MS-13 gang members are super-awesome and full of divine sparkles. In addition to teaching ISIS how to make beheading videos, this important cultural addition to America engages in kidnapping, rape, extortion, drug trafficking and child prostitution – jobs Americans are unwilling to do. What’s not to love? Feel the diversity, good and hard!
Platform Item 2a: Jobs and prosperity are terrible, so we’re going to take all of those away from you. Tax cuts, schmax cuts! We, the Democrat Party, vow to plunge America back into a Dark Ages-level recession immediately if the American voters put us into power. As Barack Obama asked, “What magic wand is Trump going to wave to make those jobs come back?”
Platform Item 2b: Donald Trump has a magic wand! He’s a witch and we must burn him!
Platform Item 3: Peace with North Korea is impossible! America’s second-greatest president ever, Bill Clinton, gave the North Koreans the means and technology to develop nuclear weapons. Who gave America the right to try to talk North Korea into giving that up? We must respect North Korea’s nuclear ambitions by not trying to end a civil war that’s been going on for 70 years at great expense to America.
Platform Item 4: Speaking of Bill Clinton, he’s our official spokesman for the #MeToo movement! As Bill said recently, standards on what you can force a woman to do against her will have changed from what they used to be. Wait, what? We just threw up in our own mouths a little bit. Never mind, just keep going. Plus, porn starlets are super-dignified, and we should believe everything they say.
Platform Item 5: Russia Mueller Russia Comey Russia Russia Russia Impeachment.
Platform Item 6: We want to take all your guns away. All of them. Every. Single. One. Turn them in, Mr. and Mrs. America! Plus, Republicans are conspiracy theorists for thinking we want to take all their guns. Which we do want, just so there’s no confusion. We’re just gaslighting the American people, by the way, when we say we don’t want to take all your guns, because we really do want to take all your guns. *Sigh* Don’t you get it? We publicly say we don’t want to take all your guns away, so people will still vote for us, but we really do want to take all the guns away and then send the former gun owners off to FEMA camps for reeducation. It’s complicated.
Platform Item 7: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is sooooo dreamy and we choose to ignore that video of his fake eyebrow falling off at G-7. Denial is not just a river in Egypt! We, the Democrat Party, also feel that Canada’s 240% tax on American goods is totally justified compared to our 15% tax on Canadian goods and should remain in place. We’re the party of math and free trade!
Platform Item 8: Global warming is still totally real, and we want to impose California’s new water restriction standards on all of America to save the planet from this threat. Why should every member of your household be able to take a shower every single day? In California, families are now forced to bathe with a rag and a bucket of soapy water like Third World peasants and we want you to have to do that, too! ($10,000 daily fine for violators, but don’t worry, wealthy Democrats are exempt.) These new bathing standards will also allow you to blend in seamlessly with your new illegal alien neighbors.
Just look at that platform. If you are a Republican candidate running against a Democrat, you could literally win the election in a landslide by remaining mute until November. Just pretend you’re Nancy Pelosi at a press conference and stare at the cameras with your mouth open – and you could still beat any Democrat running on that platform.
The GOP could sit around doing nothing until election day and they would pick up another 40 to 50 seats in the House and a baker’s dozen in the Senate. The Democrats’ platform is so repulsive, and their terminal case of Trump Derangement Syndrome is so bad, that the only thing that could help them win is a Republican amnesty package for illegal aliens. Paging Paul Ryan!
Republicans: Stop doing what your vulture donors are urging you to do and the people will reward you. Do what the winner is doing! You know who we’re talking about, right? The guy who single-handedly defeated 16 primary opponents in 2016. The guy who defeated the unbeatable queen of the Democrat Party whose victory was inevitable in 2016. The guy who turned the mainstream media into a bunch of feckless CNNs and defeated the NFL kneelers. Do what he’s doing. If you’d stop being the Stupid Party just this once, trust us, we the people will do the heavy lifting in November.
