Is there something in the water over at CNN? How is it possible that so many of the on-air personalities at one TV station can be caught in so many pervert scandals? We’ve now evolved from the #MeToo movement to #MeToobin, after the station’s “legal analyst” Jeffrey Toobin was suspended for some advanced nudity on a Zoom call with a bunch of his co-workers. Not to worry, though. No one ever gets fired for pervert scandals over there. This… is CNN.
I initially wanted to give Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin the benefit of the doubt when it was vaguely reported that he had “accidentally” exposed himself on a Zoom call. Could happen to anyone, right? New normal, COVID, webcams on all the time. We’re not used to these adjustments yet and accidents happen.
Just the other day, some poor mom made the news after flashing her young son’s Zoom school lessons. She came scrambling into the room looking for a towel in his closet. Most of us as parents can sympathize. No one is used to having cameras on all the time, the kids are home for classes, the laundry gets mixed up, you’re scrambling to find a towel and oopsie! Your bum’s on the news. Life comes at you fast.
I figured Jeffrey Toobin had finished up a Zoom call for work, forgot to turn off his camera and was simply changing his pants before having to run over to CNN to rant about President Trump colluding with more Russians. But no. Oh, no, no, no. This… is CNN.
Toobin was on a Zoom call with a bunch of his co-workers from The New Yorker and WNYC, which is the public radio station in New York. They were running an “election simulation” game in which each person on the call was taking on a different role in the 2020 election. One liberal was pretending to be Donald Trump, another was pretending to be Joe Biden, another was Kamala Harris, and so on. So… it was sort of like a role-playing game for liberals who are too nerdy and unattractive to be invited to a Dungeons & Dragons game.
Jeffrey Toobin was roleplaying as the Supreme Court in the simulation. Apparently, the game was so exciting that Toobin suddenly decided to fully disrobe. He hit the “mute” button first, thinking that this turned off his camera. (Not very tech savvy over there at CNN.) The fully nude Toobin then proceeded to… oh, good grief! Really?!
What is wrong with you weirdoes over at CNN?!
Toobin’s one-man stage show was so bad that The New Yorker fired him. He’s “on leave” from CNN for a few days, but not to worry. There’s a zero percent chance that Toobin will be fired by CNN. How do I know this? Because this sort of pervert scandal happens all the time at CNN and they never fire anyone.
Don Lemon still has his nightly show on CNN. He’s being sued for a vulgar sexual assault on some poor bartender at a gay nightclub last year. Lemon offered his alleged victim six figures to drop the suit back in June, but the case is still ongoing. The alleged victim has eyewitnesses who have signed affidavits and will testify against Lemon in court. That wasn’t enough for CNN to even ask Don Lemon to take a short leave of absence.
Last month, Tucker Carlson played an awesome leaked audiotape of CNN’s Chris Cuomo complaining about all of the hags at the station who have made sexual harassment claims against him. As if he’s some loser like the disgraced Charlie Rose of PBS, walking around with his bathrobe open! Chris Cuomo says he’s so hot that women sexually harass him! Despite his wildly sexist and inappropriate comments about his coworkers airing on the number one show on television (Tucker Carlson Tonight), Chris Cuomo is still employed at CNN.
And then there’s Richard Quest, the star of my favorite CNN pervert scandal of all time. The NYPD encountered Mr. Quest walking around Central Park at 2:30 a.m. one night. Quest was dressed like one of the Village People, had a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, a sex toy concealed in his boot and a pocket full of crystal meth when they arrested him. According to the New York Post, “It wasn’t immediately clear what the rope was for.”
Richard Quest showed mercy on America by self-deporting back to Great Britain after his sensational arrest. And he still anchors a show on CNN International!
So, I’m confident that Jeffrey Toobin – who is a married father of three – will be back on the air at CNN after a brief hiatus. The good news is that no one on the Toobin Zoom call took any screenshots and—
Oh, Jiminy Crickets! Ann Coulter is retweeting the screenshots.
Twitter is censoring photos of Hunter Biden with a crack pipe dangling from his mouth, but somehow screenshots of “The Full Monty Part 2: Election Toobin” are acceptable? Not even that strategically placed cartoon party hat can make my eyes stop burning.
Now I know what it feels like to be one of those Chinese spies who’s forced to monitor CNN’s Zoom calls all the time.